We just started a series at church called I Still Do. I’m also reading Love and War by John Eldredge (when I find an author I like, I tend to devour everything they’ve written), subtitled “finding the marriage you’ve dreamed of”. Dennis and I will celebrate 15 years of marriage this summer and we’ve got it pretty good! We’re mostly on the same page with parenting, our spiritual journey, life in general. For us, marriage doesn’t take a lot of work in this phase of our life together. Or does it? Maybe it doesn’t take much work to have a good marriage, one in which we are content and happy. But what about a great marriage? An amazing one…one that impacts the world around us.
The big idea from yesterday’s sermon is that in order to find true fulfillment in life, you need to find “the one”. But “the one” is not your spouse! We made a commitment to live our lives and marriages with God as our number one and our spouse as our number two. Pastor Steve gave an illustration about how he would often come home from work and be on the phone as he walked in. Erin asked him to finish his phone calls before he walked in the house, so that when he came home, he was home. This is something I’m completely guilty of as well. I try to make the best use of my time and I almost always am on the phone when I get home. It’s challenging for all of us when I arrive trying to finish up a call. My kids and husband deserve my attention when I walk in the door and I can’t give it to them if I’m talking to someone else. I’m definitely going to work on this.
The statistics aren’t pretty, as we all know. Steve cited a study that found that 70% of married men and 60% of married women will have an affair. Half of marriages don’t last 15 years. Those that do often fall into what Eldredge calls a “cordial detente”. We sacrifice the passion for an amazing relationship, in exchange for “smoother daily operations”. That hits home! Steve gave the hyperbolic example of going to the beach with your family and seeing a sign with the warning: your odds of a shark attack today are 50%. None of us would casually dismiss that, allowing our kids to play in the water with a nonchalant “swim fast! Be safe! Keep your eyes open!”. So why do we go into marriage, or stay in our marriages, with a similarly casual attitude– just hoping for the best?
I want to serve my husband, giving him my best, not my leftovers. Not servitude, but true love showing itself through giving. Dennis comes second, right after Jesus, and wouldn’t it be great if I actually lived as though that were true? I do most of the time, but I need reality checks often. Even the best marriages take intention and effort and I don’t want to settle for less.
Today I'm Happy 